Marry a person, marry a family
Marrying for love is great and all, but the fact of the matter is you are marrying a rival gang. During the courtship process you must do whatever you can to vet this new set of potential problems right away.
Read some good spy novels and spin up quick on tradecraft. Attend as many family functions as practical to see what is behind the smiling veneer of cousins, uncles, aunts, etc. Let’s review some research points.
Family Hierarchy
- Is there a family god father (or mother) type that runs everything?
- Is blood thicker than water in this bunch or did the family explode long ago?
- Is there some sort of organized family cost sharing arrangement for anything?
- Any ring you’re going to have to kiss?
Financial
- Is there a family god father (or mother) type that receives payola from descendants?
- Anyone on welfare?
- Is there some sort of organized family cost sharing arrangement for anyone or anything?
- Any working class heros in the mix who make it their life mission to denigrate the trades, college, etc?
Attitudes
- Anyone never own problems they obviously create for themselves?
- Any professional victims in the gang?
- Is blaming others (other family members, doctors, politicians, etc.) for all ills the normal conversation topic?
- Anyone feel the need to constantly talk over tv programs?
- Similarly anyone providing advice they clearly have no clue about?
- Any band-wagoners in the bunch? You know… the “I root for Lakers-Yankees-Cowboys (successful 1970s teams)” folks.
Illegal behavior
- Does anyone, anywhere have some sort of drug problem?
- Is that commercial garage of your potential uncle Thadius really a chop shop?
Unstable personalities
- During the understandable sadness of a family funeral, are the women passing around prescription anti-depressants like after dinner mints?
- Anyone downing too much alcohol to “cope?”
- How about any folks who think sadness should not exist and will take drugs (prescription or not) to avoid it?
Religious
Aside from ensuring commonality between you and your spouse on the topic of religion…
- Anyone in the family belligerently against whatever you and your potential mate practice?
- Any self-absorbed atheists ready to pounce on anyone who thinks otherwise?
- Any KJV thumping types that think KJV should be used to “fix” all other translations?
- How about atheists who have actually just traded traditional religion for worshipping Gaia, a tree, some crystals, a cabbage, whatever?
Dumb shits
- Innocent mentally challenged people aside, are there close relatives who are just too stupid for words?
- Anyone demonstrate lack of ability to operate today’s TV remotes?
Marriage stability
This topic is very important so spend some effort here.
- How are the marriages holding up in your potential new family? Anyone on their fifth spouse?
- Do the women consider their men mere boys in need of mothering?
- Do the men treat their women like shit?
- How are the young kids holding up?
- Is there a “habit” of divorce?
Good stuff
- Are there examples of folks who climbed from poverty to the middle class on their own?
- Any good examples of solid work ethic?
- Is charity something of importance?
Conclusion
Marriage is a big deal. Researching your potential new in-laws is likely the most important task you will ever accomplish. Yes finding that perfect spouse is hard enough, but you really need to understand what you are stepping into. Perhaps the new family is a bit off, but your spouse is ready to make a break and make a new and different life with you. Perhaps the two of you will unite as one to combat over the top family pressures. That’s fine and all, but you need to weigh all of these points to see if it is worth it. It could be? Just don’t skip the analysis and leave it to chance. Knowledge is power!
